Saz the Wino

A quiet night at work tonight...managed to get home on time. Had my favourite spicy vietnamese beef noodles tonight. With 3/4 of a bottle of chardonnay. Watching Babylon 5 as I eat and drink...makes me think...

When I drink I start feeling a bit lonely. I was watching 'Cold Squad' one night and the lead actress said 'there's a difference between being lonely and being alone'. Most of the time i am just alone. But when I have a few drinks I start to feel lonely. And reminiscent. I'll know when I've found the right guy when I find myself in this situation: he goes to bed while I stay up to watch a couple of Star Trek episodes and eat my dinner with a few glasses ofwine. And he won't complain when I come to bed smelling like chilli and wine. I should cut down the amount of chilli I eat to avoid getting a stomach ulcer...

I'm not unhappy with my life right now. I just worry that I will run out of time to do the things that I want to do. That I won't be able to adhere to the timeline that I have mapped out. Even with a bit of give...there does not seem to be much hope of it working out the way I have loosely planned it. I'm not going to measure my happiness based on my career - although that seems to be going in the right direction. I'm going to measure it based on my happiness in regards to finding someone to share a family with. I can't wait to have a family of my own.

This is all the wine talking.

Half a glass left to go. Then perhaps I will get some sleep tonight.